|Posted by William on November 7, 2012 at 9:25 PM|
Like always without warning she showed up, and contrary to the past and how i feel she entered. But even though the cycle was running its usual destructive path the deep grooves, marks and tracks that its left from its long laborious travels through my soul were starting to show... or at least were starting to take a toll on me. An angel whose wings were torn off, whose angelic silken clothing was drenched in blood and tears, it was a terrible sight.. i'd seen it before many times. But even though its magnitude was at its peak, after all my efforts being thrown in my face i wasn't in the mood to be as supportive as I could've been. I wasn't always this bitter. Like a ritual, she filled my room the moans and lamentations of mistakes and men, often them being the same thing. It had become like background soundtrack to the begining of a bad night, my mind wasn't absorbing it in its usual manner, the strained suckling of a straw in her cold words. No. This time, my mind, a cave secluded from the outside world, her words seeping in through my semi permeable stone walls. As I sat alone, at the heart of my cave, the air tempered with blarringly fierce silence; something slipped through. "Do you trust me?". The last seal that was wedging the two halves of my mind apart, to keep them from overlapping completely, shook with terrified vibrations. I surfaced to awareness, we were in her car. Only the backlight from the dashboard and the gravel graduated by street lines a meter in front of us was visible. The further we drove, the more the town sank away. Atop a monumental view the town was like a lake, reflecting off the the pitch black sky littered with hanging lanterns. I sometimes forget the majesty of life's artistry. Sitting in the passenger seat staring down from the mountain top. At the footsteps of heaven, and the ceiling of the world - there's nothing I could do but take it all in. The deep vaccum of space my soul violently gasped it all into my existence, i could feel everything she was saying ripple through me not like a narration or a rewatching of a familiar series you've seen a thousand times over but I was reliving my own past, her horror stories were mine, her frustrations were mine. I'm not done being trying to be happy. So I hid in my cave, were my soul doesn't echo. Were there's nothing but me, my silence and my dark passanger. I'm a coward.